Resolutions...

...that I probably won't keep

1.) Take a month off alcohol and narcotics
Wouldn't it be great to see if I could last a whole month. Drugs would be easy, I do them very rarely. But booze... it's everywhere. Could I go out and socialise and just stay on the tap water. People do. Would I have the willpower? I guess it's fine to have a glass or two here and there, but wouldn't it be great to see what it felt like without any booze.

2.) Exercise
Just tried to go for a run. Beautiful day, if a little windy. Kept stopping and walking. No real desire to push through. Good to get out of the house and work up a little bit of a sweat, but where's the willpower to get really fit. Maybe tomorrow, eh, maybe tomorrow?

3.) Give something back
Do some charity work or drama workshops. I'm sure this wouldn't be entirely selfless as surely I would get a lot out of it. For a start, it might make me feel a good deal less despondant, make me feel like I'm putting something into this world for once. My occasional bouts of despair come from having nothing valuable to do. I could do something valuable and help others feel like they're creating something worthwhile perhaps.
But, oh, why don't I? Because I fear I'll be missing out on something else! An audition might come up. Or, more likely, I could be at home trying to write some great work of art. As I so often am of late. Trying. Writing but 500 words, before realising I'm not certain why I'm writing, what I'm trying to say.

What am I trying to say?